Praising the Positive

I try to make regular positive phone calls home to my students' parents, especially those that tend to cause problems and regularly get negative phone calls from the school. I made two such phone calls today. 

The first call, the student thought it would be hilarious to call his mother and pretend that he'd gotten into trouble again in class. I didn't think this was a great idea, but his mouth was moving before I could even think to tell him otherwise. So he hands me the phone and I remind her who I am and I can tell she is very displeased. I just couldn't go along with his plan and told her how awesome her son had done in class today. She started cracking up! Apparently this kiddo knows his mother's sense of humor better than I expected - either that or she was just so relieved she didn't know what else to do. After she was done laughing, she thanked me about 5 times for calling on a good day.

For the second call the student just couldn't contain himself and his mouth was moving so fast I don't know how his mother understood a word he had said. But at some point he did hand me the phone and I informed her what a great day her son had today and how genuinely proud of him I was. This mother reacted differently. Her voice started to shake and crack as she thanked me about eleventeen times and I thought she was going to cry right there on the phone. She then asked me to hand the phone back to her son so she could also tell him how proud of him she was. Poor kid sat there while his mother obviously gushed all over him on the phone, his face getting more and more red, but he was very clearly happy to have made his mother proud.

Teaching middle school is hard folks, but being the parent of a middle schooler is also hard. They've gone from elementary school where everything is in one place and the whole class goes everywhere together to middle school where they have to be responsible for everything - going class to class, managing homework, learning to open a locker, changing in the locker room and so much more. And as a parent of a middle schooler all you can do sometimes is hold on tight to those often few and far between positive moments and hope for the best on the other side of puberty. 

The two mothers I spoke to today definitely needed some positive moments with regards to their own sons and I was so glad I could provide that for them. Those phone calls not only boosted the kids, but it made the day of the mothers and made me smile. On top of this, the next time one of these boys acts up in my class I will most certainly have the support of these mothers when trying to rein in the boys. So, why not try to find some posiitivity in a place where there is usually only negative and sing it's praises? You never know when that will come back to you - it usually comes back to me when I need it most. 


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Where Have All the Parents Gone?

Caution: It's about to get real candid up in here!
I serve many roles at my school in addition to technology teacher. I am also a mentor, after school tutor and lunch recess supervisor. I get to know my students on a completely different level in these roles than I do as a classroom teacher and make connections I would not otherwise probably be able to make. At recess I am able to be a little more goofy than normal with the kids, in my tutoring group I serve as a reading teacher and with my mentoring group I get to help kids learn who they are as people. At the exact same time though, I "get" to learn more about my students' lives than many people do.
 Now, let's preface all of this by saying I was certainly no angel growing up and saw some things in my home that I have made sure as an adult that my own personal children will NEVER see. The fact that I had my oldest daughter my senior year in high school is a testament to that. Nevertheless, I have used all of that life experience in my career as an educator in order to connect with my students. But, my heart is broken nearly on a daily basis by the lives that I see my students living outside of the walls of our school. 
On the playground I hear some of the most foul language possible to hear, as well as some extremely sexually explicit comments. Yes, some of this comes from media in our culture, but the graphic nature of the conversation indicates that not only are they being allowed to take in media that is completely inappropriate, but also that they are hearing that type of talk in casual conversations at home. Never mind the types of clothing that my students are wearing to school...it's quite disturbing at times. 
I tutor 6-8 grades students and have three students that are at or below my 1st grade daughter's reading level. The heart-wrenching part is that they are completely oblivious to the fact that they should be able to read much more difficult texts. It pains me to think that "my kids" weren't read to as small children. No one sat with them at bed time and read Green Eggs and Ham or the The Napping House. In conversation with them, I learn that for most of them they didn't even HAVE books in their homes when they were little - nor did they have crayons, markers, scissors and paper to use for crafts. 
In making phone calls home to my mentoring students I call just as many grandmas and "aunties" as I do moms and dads. I see kids with pants that are far too small, shoes that have been worn way past their end of life and children taking home bags of food from the Communities in Schools programs because there just any food at home. I have homeless students, students who travel from one parent "home" to the other having to be the adult in both homes and so many students who don't even know both of their parents that it makes me want to cry. 
I'm just so incredibly baffled by how this can possibly be. I messed up my life big time as a teenager when I got pregnant but I have spent every day since trying to make a good life for my daughter and be a positive and strong role model for her. I understand that life happens, circumstances aren't always what they want them to be, but how can anyone just GIVE UP on their kids? How can I have students with all of their brothers and sisters being gang members? How do I have a student hand me a picture of a family member and the student says "This is my nephew and his daddy - he looks really high huh?" In what kind of home does a child have to live that they find it perfectly normal to come to school and call their peers and teachers every  cuss word imaginable? 
There are days that all I can do is sit with a student and let her cry in my room, or let a boy sleep instead of complete the classwork because he didn't have a bed to sleep in the night before. Some days I just sit in my classroom after they've all gone and cry myself because I know I can just never do enough in the small amount of time I have with them. All I can do is take solace in the fact that I know I can provide a safe, caring and stimulating environment for them to grow and learn. 



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