Why Are You a Teacher?

I just completed the paperwork for my ninth student going to expulsion hearing this school year. Upon turning it in another adult said "I bet you were sad to see that one go." To which I responded "Hey, I really like that kiddo." The other adult said "Misegadis, you're so weird. You like those kids that no one else does!" I of course just laughed and kept walking, but then it got my thoughts churning. Sure, everyone has that one student that just seems to be able to get to them, but to have an administrator say more than once "You were the only person who had anything positive to say about that student on his/her expulsion form." is disturbing. We have students from all walks of life, whose parents may or may not be doing any actual parenting and it's just so incredibly upsetting to me that there are adults in this world that don't take that into consideration when dealing with students. I have students that I know only eat full meals when they are at school, students who live with grandparents because their actual parents are strung out on all kinds of drugs, students who are homeless and so many other life situations I cannot even fathom. So how is it possible that there are adults that DON'T want to be one of the few safe, stable and supportive parts of every one of our children's lives? How is it possible to look a child in the face that you KNOW hasn't slept because of all the fighting at home, and not care for that child just a little bit more?

Several of my friends know that I have recently considered leaving the world of education, at least for now. This has nothing to do with my passion for teaching. In fact, the longer I teach the more passionate I become it. I love being a teacher! It's who I am and it's what defines me. (This is a shout out to my favorite teacher Mrs. Samuels at PSU.) No matter where I go or what I do in life, I am and will always be a teacher - I really have no choice in the matter. But, because I am so incredibly passionate about teaching I can't do it half-way. I've applied for (and been rejected) several positions outside of teaching lately while at the same time seem to be growing stronger relationships with my students than ever. I don't know if I'm being tested or reminded about why I became a teacher, but I do know that I am definitely thinking about my career as an educator more than I ever have before. I don't know what the future will hold for me. Will I continue to teach middle school technology? Will I look for a job as a peer consultant? Will I try to teach at the university level? I simply do not know. What I know for sure is that despite negativity, change, diminishing pay and constantly being shuffled about this district, I love teaching. I find it to be the most important paying job any one person can hold and, for now, will continue on my mission to educate and reach every child that I meet.

Summer Challenge

So I've had my last day at Jardine and cleaned out my office yet I still can't bring myself to take those boxes to my new classroom at Truesdell. I've gone to some trainings for the new program I'll be teaching, I get along really well with my partner teacher next year and the new curriculum looks really exciting. Yet those boxes are still in my car. I can't believe how incredibly hard it has been for me to let go of a school where I only worked for one year. I am usually one to embrace change and take charge of a new situation, but I am really struggling this time with moving forward. The students at Jardine are such awesome kids and the staff was so incredibly welcoming that I'm just plain afraid to leave. In a month I'll be completing two weeks of training for the Project Lead the Way program that I'll be teaching next year and I really hope that I will have been able to bring myself to get those boxes out of my car. I am certain some of this fear stems from having lost my job last year and then being told that I won't be returning to Jardine due to restructuring. I have been forced to take a long hard look at how I go about doing business and reflect on my own practices. I really feel that I try my best to do what is best for kids and improving our flawed education system, yet I continue to be moved about in our district. I work in the education system because I believe I truly can make a difference, but I must admit that my fear of the unknown is making me leery of moving forward in my usual "all in" way. I'm afraid that if I jump in with both feet the way I usually do that I will once again be shuffled along, but I know that if I start pulling my punches in order to walk a safer line I will not be able to look at myself in the mirror each day. So here I am, with a car full of moving boxes but unable to take that next step.

Image courtesy of http://sincerelypaige.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/moving-forward.jpg

Going Back to Move Forward

About a week and a half ago I was told that due to budget cuts, my position was "being recommended for elimination to the BOE" and the following Monday the BOE approved that recommendation. If you have ever met me or read any posts on this blog you know that I LOVE my job. I love the opportunity to help other educators grow and improve the educational environment in their classrooms. When I lost my job I was at least able to apply for any open teaching positions within the district and have taken a position at a middle school teaching sixth grade science.

So in August I'm "going back" to the classroom.

It's still hard for me to fully grasp that idea, that I've lost the job that I love and it has nothing to do with my job performance or capabilities. In a time where there are entire schools being restructured by having all employees re-interview for their jobs, the only part that factored into selecting my position was that I was the last person hired. Some days I feel like I'm progressing through the stages of grieving, and other days I feel like I'm just going to wake up tomorrow and it will all have been a very long nightmare. And yes, it is a grieving process. I have lost something which I love and had no choice or say in the matter.

This weekend I was starting to see a light and begin to be excited about some of the possibilities with this new job. When I left the classroom blogs had only been approved for use in our district for a couple of months, the only wiki anyone had ever heard of was Wikipedia and the tools like Glogster and Voicethread hadn't even started yet. When I think about all that I have learned in the last three years as an instructional technology specialist, and pair that with all of the technology I will have available to me in the classroom, I really do start to get excited. I know that my experience as an ITS has made me a better teacher and that I will be able to more strongly impact students when I have that daily, face-to-face interaction with them, but I'm still struggling with the whole idea. 

Leaving the classroom to take this position was the hardest thing I had ever done in my professional life at the time as I love teaching, and now I'll be "going back" with a new perspective and new skills.  

Image courtesy of ManojVasanth and Flickr.