Perpetuating the Cycle

It's that time again, election time. Debates, campaigning, political ads...and people that normally don't care about politics at all spouting off about his/her chosen candidate at any given opportunity. I almost don't want to post to any social media sites because what I say could be interpreted as needing a comment or reply about how it's (so-and-so politician's)'s fault that I'm feeling what I'm feeling and that (so-and-so different politician's) will hopefully be able to begin fixing the almost irreparable damage caused by (first so-and-so politician's.) Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for people standing up for their beliefs and convictions, I'm all for freedom of speech but it makes me sad that people can get so hateful and belittling about it. The number of times I've seen posts on Facebook about how anyone who votes for a certain candidate is "a complete moron," "clearly doesn't have the ability to think," or the worst one: "doesn't deserve to live." These are posts from people that I have always considered good people and my friends. Even worse, it's leaked over to our children. My twelve year old nephew asked me the other day if I was voting for a certain candidate and when I said "no" he stated "Well you're just stupid then!" At first I was hurt but then I realized he's just parroting back what he's heard adults in his life say. I explained to him that I follow the campaigns, do my research on all the candidates (not just the two major parties' candidates) and then choose a candidate whose beliefs and values align most closely with my own. Of course being a smart kid who adores his Aunt Erin, he was pleased with this answer. 

But, all of this caused me to notice the same kind of behavior elsewhere in my life. I was listening to ESPN Radio yesterday (as I do every morning) and couldn't believe some of the messages sports fans were actually composing and then hitting send about sports. Some people were arguing about whether Trout or Cabrera should win the MVP this year in Major League Baseball. Clearly this is a subjective view but the downright nasty messages people were sending were appalling!  And then there is the famous "catch that wasn't a catch" in the Green Bay vs. Seattle football game in which a replacement official named Wayne Elliot made a very controversial call that caused Green Bay to lose the game. Mr. Elliot reported that his phone rang non-stop for 72 hours with hateful calls from the Wisconsin area. I know I personally read so many tweets, status updates and posts with equally nasty messages about the situation that it turned my stomach. I have also recently "un-friended" a few people on Facebook because they posted what was supposed to be a funny picture, but that I found to be incredibly racist. I had commented on the wall of one person that posted it that it's the posting of images such as that one that perpetuates hate and racism in our society. He stated that he isn't racist, he just thought it was funny. Then an onslaught of his friends, whom I have never met, attacked me personally by calling me ignorant, stupid, self-righteous and a large number of other things that I can't post here. It was truly disheartening. Most disturbing of all, I recently read and article about a Tabor College student being beaten to death by a McPherson College student over a football rivalry.

In all of these cases I'm describing behavior of ADULTS. Can you believe it? ADULTS! I'm used to children acting on impulse in heated situations and saying or doing hurtful things not realizing the impact of their actions, but adults? Everyday I walk through school hallways, malls and other public places and hear teenagers calling each other the most vulgar names and physically harming each other because of their differences. It's always been my goal at home and work to provide a safe environment of respect where other people's opinions, ideas and cultures are valued and appreciated, but lately I'm beginning to feel overwhelmed that one person isn't enough. I'm feeling like I can provide a safe, nurturing environment for my own students and children but that once they walk away from me they're just going to be bombarded with negative, hateful and threatening people. The fact that it's 2012 and we still have to worry about racism, sexism and general hate towards others who differ from "the norm" is incredibly heartbreaking. How can we possibly hope that our children will grow up to be happier, healthier and have better lives than us if we continue to raise them in a society that promotes and perpetuates hate? How can we hope to grow as a society if we continue to not learn from our past mistakes? 

Perhaps all this political fever is just getting tempers running high and leaving people on edge. Maybe once we get through elections next month people will start to calm down and begin acting more civilized...at least I'll continue to hope that's what will happen...

Praising the Positive

I try to make regular positive phone calls home to my students' parents, especially those that tend to cause problems and regularly get negative phone calls from the school. I made two such phone calls today. 

The first call, the student thought it would be hilarious to call his mother and pretend that he'd gotten into trouble again in class. I didn't think this was a great idea, but his mouth was moving before I could even think to tell him otherwise. So he hands me the phone and I remind her who I am and I can tell she is very displeased. I just couldn't go along with his plan and told her how awesome her son had done in class today. She started cracking up! Apparently this kiddo knows his mother's sense of humor better than I expected - either that or she was just so relieved she didn't know what else to do. After she was done laughing, she thanked me about 5 times for calling on a good day.

For the second call the student just couldn't contain himself and his mouth was moving so fast I don't know how his mother understood a word he had said. But at some point he did hand me the phone and I informed her what a great day her son had today and how genuinely proud of him I was. This mother reacted differently. Her voice started to shake and crack as she thanked me about eleventeen times and I thought she was going to cry right there on the phone. She then asked me to hand the phone back to her son so she could also tell him how proud of him she was. Poor kid sat there while his mother obviously gushed all over him on the phone, his face getting more and more red, but he was very clearly happy to have made his mother proud.

Teaching middle school is hard folks, but being the parent of a middle schooler is also hard. They've gone from elementary school where everything is in one place and the whole class goes everywhere together to middle school where they have to be responsible for everything - going class to class, managing homework, learning to open a locker, changing in the locker room and so much more. And as a parent of a middle schooler all you can do sometimes is hold on tight to those often few and far between positive moments and hope for the best on the other side of puberty. 

The two mothers I spoke to today definitely needed some positive moments with regards to their own sons and I was so glad I could provide that for them. Those phone calls not only boosted the kids, but it made the day of the mothers and made me smile. On top of this, the next time one of these boys acts up in my class I will most certainly have the support of these mothers when trying to rein in the boys. So, why not try to find some posiitivity in a place where there is usually only negative and sing it's praises? You never know when that will come back to you - it usually comes back to me when I need it most. 


Image courtesy of http://www.liveandlovework.com/ 

Where Have All the Parents Gone?

Caution: It's about to get real candid up in here!
I serve many roles at my school in addition to technology teacher. I am also a mentor, after school tutor and lunch recess supervisor. I get to know my students on a completely different level in these roles than I do as a classroom teacher and make connections I would not otherwise probably be able to make. At recess I am able to be a little more goofy than normal with the kids, in my tutoring group I serve as a reading teacher and with my mentoring group I get to help kids learn who they are as people. At the exact same time though, I "get" to learn more about my students' lives than many people do.
 Now, let's preface all of this by saying I was certainly no angel growing up and saw some things in my home that I have made sure as an adult that my own personal children will NEVER see. The fact that I had my oldest daughter my senior year in high school is a testament to that. Nevertheless, I have used all of that life experience in my career as an educator in order to connect with my students. But, my heart is broken nearly on a daily basis by the lives that I see my students living outside of the walls of our school. 
On the playground I hear some of the most foul language possible to hear, as well as some extremely sexually explicit comments. Yes, some of this comes from media in our culture, but the graphic nature of the conversation indicates that not only are they being allowed to take in media that is completely inappropriate, but also that they are hearing that type of talk in casual conversations at home. Never mind the types of clothing that my students are wearing to school...it's quite disturbing at times. 
I tutor 6-8 grades students and have three students that are at or below my 1st grade daughter's reading level. The heart-wrenching part is that they are completely oblivious to the fact that they should be able to read much more difficult texts. It pains me to think that "my kids" weren't read to as small children. No one sat with them at bed time and read Green Eggs and Ham or the The Napping House. In conversation with them, I learn that for most of them they didn't even HAVE books in their homes when they were little - nor did they have crayons, markers, scissors and paper to use for crafts. 
In making phone calls home to my mentoring students I call just as many grandmas and "aunties" as I do moms and dads. I see kids with pants that are far too small, shoes that have been worn way past their end of life and children taking home bags of food from the Communities in Schools programs because there just any food at home. I have homeless students, students who travel from one parent "home" to the other having to be the adult in both homes and so many students who don't even know both of their parents that it makes me want to cry. 
I'm just so incredibly baffled by how this can possibly be. I messed up my life big time as a teenager when I got pregnant but I have spent every day since trying to make a good life for my daughter and be a positive and strong role model for her. I understand that life happens, circumstances aren't always what they want them to be, but how can anyone just GIVE UP on their kids? How can I have students with all of their brothers and sisters being gang members? How do I have a student hand me a picture of a family member and the student says "This is my nephew and his daddy - he looks really high huh?" In what kind of home does a child have to live that they find it perfectly normal to come to school and call their peers and teachers every  cuss word imaginable? 
There are days that all I can do is sit with a student and let her cry in my room, or let a boy sleep instead of complete the classwork because he didn't have a bed to sleep in the night before. Some days I just sit in my classroom after they've all gone and cry myself because I know I can just never do enough in the small amount of time I have with them. All I can do is take solace in the fact that I know I can provide a safe, caring and stimulating environment for them to grow and learn. 



Image courtesy of http://writeaboutnowjt.wordpress.com

Why Are You a Teacher?

I just completed the paperwork for my ninth student going to expulsion hearing this school year. Upon turning it in another adult said "I bet you were sad to see that one go." To which I responded "Hey, I really like that kiddo." The other adult said "Misegadis, you're so weird. You like those kids that no one else does!" I of course just laughed and kept walking, but then it got my thoughts churning. Sure, everyone has that one student that just seems to be able to get to them, but to have an administrator say more than once "You were the only person who had anything positive to say about that student on his/her expulsion form." is disturbing. We have students from all walks of life, whose parents may or may not be doing any actual parenting and it's just so incredibly upsetting to me that there are adults in this world that don't take that into consideration when dealing with students. I have students that I know only eat full meals when they are at school, students who live with grandparents because their actual parents are strung out on all kinds of drugs, students who are homeless and so many other life situations I cannot even fathom. So how is it possible that there are adults that DON'T want to be one of the few safe, stable and supportive parts of every one of our children's lives? How is it possible to look a child in the face that you KNOW hasn't slept because of all the fighting at home, and not care for that child just a little bit more?

Several of my friends know that I have recently considered leaving the world of education, at least for now. This has nothing to do with my passion for teaching. In fact, the longer I teach the more passionate I become it. I love being a teacher! It's who I am and it's what defines me. (This is a shout out to my favorite teacher Mrs. Samuels at PSU.) No matter where I go or what I do in life, I am and will always be a teacher - I really have no choice in the matter. But, because I am so incredibly passionate about teaching I can't do it half-way. I've applied for (and been rejected) several positions outside of teaching lately while at the same time seem to be growing stronger relationships with my students than ever. I don't know if I'm being tested or reminded about why I became a teacher, but I do know that I am definitely thinking about my career as an educator more than I ever have before. I don't know what the future will hold for me. Will I continue to teach middle school technology? Will I look for a job as a peer consultant? Will I try to teach at the university level? I simply do not know. What I know for sure is that despite negativity, change, diminishing pay and constantly being shuffled about this district, I love teaching. I find it to be the most important paying job any one person can hold and, for now, will continue on my mission to educate and reach every child that I meet.

Changing the World

I've had a crazy semester (thus the non-posting by Ms. M) but as it comes to a close I  inevitably reflect on my experiences, both with others and on my own. This is just a random collection of thoughts I've had in the last week or two.

• I still truly believe that teaching is the most important career (aside from being a parent) that anyone could choose to pursue. I love kids and am amazed on a daily basis by their perspectives on life - positive or otherwise. I tell my students that I change the world every day, as everything that happens in my classroom impacts them in some way and they will take that with them when they leave me. Thus, it is my goal to change the world in a positive way as much as I possibly can. Every day has to be a fresh start for every child that walks into my room, no matter what has happened in the past.
  
• I have to realize that I have no control over what happens in classrooms that aren't mine and that the best way to help students overcome adversity is to be a positive role model and support them even when they don't think they want or need it. Dwelling on negativity not only doesn't help anyone, it becomes a disease that will infect my classroom if I allow it. Not only do I need to give my students a fresh start every day, I need to allow myself that same privilege. Every morning I need to start over, forgetting whatever slip-ups I may have had. No one is perfect, so I should not expect perfection from myself. To be human is a beautiful thing - imperfections and all.
• It's time I start being an advocate again for technology integration and Project-based Learning. With changing schools and jobs this year I have let that slide, and it is unacceptable. I will start blogging again, I will start posting student projects to my class website and I will start offering to host PLCs in these areas. They are things which I truly believe will impact positive change in education (and face it, our education system is seriously damaged right now) and if I want it to change I've got to do my part to change it. Someone's got to be an impetus for change, why can't it be me?

I am incredibly grateful for my small collection of friends that have helped me through this very challenging semester and am going to try from this point forward to be the positive influence in the lives of both students and teachers that I know is needed. I can not control what others do, but I can control what I do and hope that it impacts others in a beneficial way. 

Reflect Upon "New" Learning

Last month finished up another semester of my master's degree program. The classes all ended with the obligatory final project and final exam. Each of these teachers posed the same basic question on the final exam: "How has your new learning this semester influenced the way you will create lessons and teach in the future?" This of course got me thinking, but not necessarily about what the teacher intended.
I started thinking about the insane number of teachers, including myself, that have asked this question of their students in some way or another. I know that as teachers we are hoping to teach new concepts and that we are enlightening our students at all times, but there are times when that just doesn't happen. So then when the question is asked of students "What did you learn?" we as teachers are assuming that we have indeed enlightened and inspired our students in some way, and that this is a justified question. But what happens if we really haven't imparted any new wisdom upon our students, or they simply haven't obtained any new information or skills? What happens if a student answers "I haven't learned anything new." How do we as teachers react? I would be willing to bet a number of teachers would raise their eyebrows at said student's answer and award zero points to the student for that question and then move on with teaching.
But what would have happened if in my master's level course I had answered that nothing I learned from the instructor was new to me? What if I had said the class I had just paid $700 for really had not taught me much of anything that will influence the way I teach? Because, this in fact for one of my courses, was the case. Not to say I didn't learn and grow as a result of this class, but almost all of my learning and growth came from interactions with my fellow students and the ideas that they brought to the class. I wish that could tell you that I had the nerve to say exactly that in response to this question, but I did not. So for me, for now, this question will remain unanswered and I am left to wonder "What if?"
At least I can now reflect upon this question for my own teaching and whether or not this is an appropriate question to ask of my students. Maybe a more appropriate question would be "Have you learned new information or skills that will change the way you go about business?" or "If you have learned new skills or ideas, what are they?" And then follow up with the question of "If you haven't learned new skills or information, what could be added to this class (or lesson) that would help you?"

Image courtesy of Flickr and The Library of Congress

No Tech Interventions

So I sat this morning through four hours of training on the intervention program that was piloted in a few of our middle schools this year and will be at all of our middle schools next year. I started the session with all other instructional support personnel beginning a KWL chart for this program. The presenter, who is a representative of the intervention program company, comes to our table and starts talking to us. Everyone else at the table had met with the rep before so she immediately asks at which school that I teach. I of course say something along the lines of I don't have a school, that I am an instructional technology specialist for the secondary level. That woman ran away from me so fast I could almost see the smoke coming off of her shoes!
Before she really got into the presentation she moved us all away from power outlets and told us there would be no need for computers, that paper would be provided if we wanted to take notes. So we all "powered down" for the next 3 1/2 hours (you read right). I sat and listened to the presentation and followed as best I could, although I kept thinking about how I was either going to lose the piece of paper on which I was taking notes or that I wouldn't be able to read my handwriting later.
The program itself is not bad. Students take an assessment at the beginning of the year. This particular program places them in an "on or above" grade level class, 1 - 2 years below grade level, and then 3 - 4 years below. All classes follow a five-part lesson structure, which is all well and good, and "tiers 1 and 2" pretty much follow the same curriculum - "tier 2" having more support structures in place. The "tier 3" students follow the same scope and sequence as the district, but has a very regimented class structure within which the teacher has no real freedom.
The presenter then walks us through a typical lesson within the structure. Not a mention of any technology. Not only is there no mention of technology, but when the question was asked if they could receive the materials electronically so teachers could use them with SMART boards, clickers, or other such equipment, they were shot down. There is apparently no need to "distract the students" with such items when they can't even read or do math. (I'm not making this stuff up here.)
I never really recovered after that point, although it did shed some more light on the "no computers during training" from earlier.
So now I'm left to think "Are our kids really going to have to power down across the district in the coming years?" and "Aren't we taking a huge step backward?" I know that there are many teachers out there don't implement technology simply out of fear-be it fear of the technology not working or the fear of not being an "expert of all things" in their own classrooms. But are we really benefiting children and learning if we continue to validate those fears? Why is it acceptable to push students out of their comfort zones in school but not teachers? One would think that in order to promote life-long learning in children, one would need to be a willing life-long learner - wouldn't they?

Image courtesy of rotkappchen143 and Flickr.

"Blast" from the Past

I was sitting in my living room a bit earlier this evening when the doorbell rang. When I get to the door I see that it is "Juan." (Student's name has been changed.) Juan was that kiddo that did absolutely everything under possible to purposely get under the teachers' skin. He was a gang banger (or really close to it anyway), attended class only intermittently, had more missing assignments than completed ones, and had one heck of a mouth. To say he caused me stress would be an incredible understatement. To say he failed my class would only hit the tip of the iceberg. And to say there were days that drove me crazy, well that one is accurate. Juan was definitely on a path straight to nowhere good. In fact, more people knew him by his street name than his real one - even the teachers. Juan was one of those kids that really tested me as a teacher and a human being.

But, he was smart - REALLY smart. When he was in class and awake, he knew all the answers before anyone else. When he participated in labs, he always figured out the solution before anyone else in his group. And when I asked for feedback on the lessons he really gave sound and constructive advise - when he wasn't cussing at someone. I knew that the window for "keeping him" was closing rapidly - and I taught 6th grade. So, I made sure he stayed in the classroom even when he was trying everything he knew to get kicked out. I knew that he was listening, even if he didn't want to and wouldn't admit to it. And I just really felt that if I made him stay in my room, he might just inch a little bit closer to the right path. The next year certainly didn't see much improvement for Juan's behavior or academics, and I lost track of him after that but I was quite sure he was one that had gotten away from us.

So imagine my surprise when he arrives at my door, selling coupon books for the varsity soccer team for his high school. A team on which he is playing. That meant he was still in school AND passing classes! We talked for a bit about school and how his life is going. I bought that silly coupon book, of course. He introduced me to his soccer buddy, saying I was always in his business but my class was still pretty cool. And then he says "And oh yeah, I want you to know that I'm getting a B in Biology even though my teacher is boring."

I don't often get to see my students after they have left me. Usually they become way too cool to talk to their sixth grade science teacher, and once they go to high school I loose track even more. But I am so incredibly grateful that Juan showed up at my door today. Seeing such a drastic turn-around definitely energizes me to keep going. I don't want to leave anyone with the impression that I think this child was put back on track by me. That decision was clearly his own. But, I would like to think that I played some role, no matter how small, in his decision to do so. Juan left two hours ago and I'm still smiling.

Image courtesy of Ridkydavid and Flikr.