GREAT WORK - You did the bare minimum!!

Somehow, somewhere along the line it has become a custom in our society to expect praise for simply following expectations. "Aren't you proud of me Miss? I have a pass to be in the hallway!" "Look at the medal I got because my mom signed me up for sports and took me to the games!" "You passed the assessment because you got 1/2 the questions right!" I mean we all like to be praised. Who doesn't like it when we're told how fantastic we are? Or that someone is proud of us? But at what point does it become pushing everyone to the middle? When I was a kid I was so proud of my medals and trophies that had a place value on them (1st, 2nd, etc) but I also distinctly remember throwing them out as I got older if they said something along the lines of "Certificate of Participation." Well I KNOW I participated - I was THERE! My daughter (whom I love and adore and have clearly somehow raised her to display the following behavior) said to me the other day "Hey I'm on time. Aren't you proud of me? Can I have a (fill in the blank with random teen-aged stuff) because I came home on time?" My reply of course was "Uh no, you CAN continue to have normal PRIVILEGES though because you were on time tonight. I love you!" Now don't get me wrong, when she does something that blows my mind, I let her know just how amazing she is. Such as when she made the talent show and sang so beautifully it made me cry, I told her that it was so beautiful I cried and that I think she's completely fantastic. Or when she lettered as a freshman at a 6A high school in Cross Country, I rushed out to buy the letter jacket and sewed the letter on it myself. But it seems that we (as a society) have come to expect things to be given to us simply because we show up. There are a number of professions where people actively petition against work evaluations or merit-based pay, yet many of these same people expect a yearly raise simply for coming to work on a regular basis. I just don't understand. 

I distinctly remember receiving a state reading assessment score in elementary school and asking my mom what the 90+ percentile meant. She smiled at me, told me she was proud of me and explained "That means if 100 people lined up in order of their scores, you'd be ahead of more than 90 of them in line." I remember that because I had worked really hard on that test and was incredibly proud of my achievement - not because I happen to just show up and do the minimum. On the opposite end of that spectrum, I remember coming in WAY past curfew one night and being told I would be "volunteering" with my sister's cheer squad at a fireworks stand the whole rest of the 4th of July weekend instead of hanging out with my friends like I had planned. My parents set very clear standards for my behavior and I knew that it was my responsibility to follow these standards. If I did something above and beyond the minimum, I was praised and I enjoyed that because it was heartfelt praise and I knew my parents were genuinely proud of me. If I failed to meet the minimum standard, I knew negative consequences were appropriately headed my way. Perhaps this type of upbringing is what has made me the matter-of-fact, outspoken person I am that can sometimes be "a bit too much" for some folks to handle. And I know it's made me the kind of person that would be a less-than-adequate preschool and elementary school teacher. But it's also this same upbringing that gave me the drive to finish high school even though I made the poor choice to become pregnant at 17, complete my bachelor's degree while working full-time to raise that young child, obtain a master's degree while working full-time and continue to work hard to further my career success.  I've learned through these life experiences that I enjoy a challenge and the feeling of personal accomplishment that comes with meeting a challenge head on and conquering it. Is that so bad? Do we not wish our children have better lives than we have? Do we not want our children to work hard so THEIR kids can have better lives than they have? If we continue to tell people "Great work!" simply for showing up, or "You're amazing!" because they've met the bare minimum, where will our society be when my kids are my age? Or my parents' age? I don't know the answers to these questions, but I don't really have a great feeling about it...

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"Those Schools"

I work at one of "those schools." You know "the ones" I mean. It's a school that when I tell people (teachers or not) where I work the response is usually "Oh, sorry to hear that" or "Man, I bet that's no fun" or some other sentiment along those lines. In fact, I've spent my entire teaching career in "those schools." My daughters have gone to "the best schools" in our district due to where we live and I'm telling you right now I am almost certain I wouldn't be able to work in any one of them day in and day out. I absolutely love working at "one of those schools!" Yes, many of my students' families fall below the poverty line. And yes, many of our students' parents didn't read to them much (if at all) when they were little. And yes, there is a large portion of our student population that struggle to read because not only is English not their first language, but they aren't literate in their native language either. Fights happen here (as in all schools), we fight the daily battle of sagging pants and too-short shorts (with students and their parents who don't think it's a big deal), students cuss at me because I ask them to wear their IDs or walk on the right side of the hallway and the list goes on and on. 

BUT, I also get to be part of a safe, consistent and caring part of our students' lives. Yes, they know I'm going to be there every day "bugging" them to follow the rules, but at the same when I'm gone they notice - if only because they were able to slip through my little section of the hallway without following expectations. At the beginning of the year there were a number of students that were excited that I remembered them from middle school, were soon grumpy that I remembered them and still held high expectations of them but we've now fallen back into the comfortable groove...they usually follow expectations but when they don't they don't get upset with me because they know I'm consistent. A number of my former middle school students have had babies in the years since I had them in class and but told me that they're working hard to finish school AND be a good parent because they remember that I showed them that it can be done by sharing with them my own personal experiences. 

So really what I'm trying to get at is that I feel sorry for those that don't see my job a desirable. I'm sad that not everyone gets to see kids overcome adversity the way I do. They'll never know the joy of having a student that is currently homeless walk into school every day to learn. A few weeks ago I was able to connect with a student that is currently in foster care herself whose infant had been taken away from her by SRS. She now comes to see me every day with updates not only on her family situation, but also how her classes are going. So many people will never be able to see the joy in all the things that I get to experience every day and I am so lucky to be able to do so.

Where Have All the Parents Gone?

Caution: It's about to get real candid up in here!
I serve many roles at my school in addition to technology teacher. I am also a mentor, after school tutor and lunch recess supervisor. I get to know my students on a completely different level in these roles than I do as a classroom teacher and make connections I would not otherwise probably be able to make. At recess I am able to be a little more goofy than normal with the kids, in my tutoring group I serve as a reading teacher and with my mentoring group I get to help kids learn who they are as people. At the exact same time though, I "get" to learn more about my students' lives than many people do.
 Now, let's preface all of this by saying I was certainly no angel growing up and saw some things in my home that I have made sure as an adult that my own personal children will NEVER see. The fact that I had my oldest daughter my senior year in high school is a testament to that. Nevertheless, I have used all of that life experience in my career as an educator in order to connect with my students. But, my heart is broken nearly on a daily basis by the lives that I see my students living outside of the walls of our school. 
On the playground I hear some of the most foul language possible to hear, as well as some extremely sexually explicit comments. Yes, some of this comes from media in our culture, but the graphic nature of the conversation indicates that not only are they being allowed to take in media that is completely inappropriate, but also that they are hearing that type of talk in casual conversations at home. Never mind the types of clothing that my students are wearing to school...it's quite disturbing at times. 
I tutor 6-8 grades students and have three students that are at or below my 1st grade daughter's reading level. The heart-wrenching part is that they are completely oblivious to the fact that they should be able to read much more difficult texts. It pains me to think that "my kids" weren't read to as small children. No one sat with them at bed time and read Green Eggs and Ham or the The Napping House. In conversation with them, I learn that for most of them they didn't even HAVE books in their homes when they were little - nor did they have crayons, markers, scissors and paper to use for crafts. 
In making phone calls home to my mentoring students I call just as many grandmas and "aunties" as I do moms and dads. I see kids with pants that are far too small, shoes that have been worn way past their end of life and children taking home bags of food from the Communities in Schools programs because there just any food at home. I have homeless students, students who travel from one parent "home" to the other having to be the adult in both homes and so many students who don't even know both of their parents that it makes me want to cry. 
I'm just so incredibly baffled by how this can possibly be. I messed up my life big time as a teenager when I got pregnant but I have spent every day since trying to make a good life for my daughter and be a positive and strong role model for her. I understand that life happens, circumstances aren't always what they want them to be, but how can anyone just GIVE UP on their kids? How can I have students with all of their brothers and sisters being gang members? How do I have a student hand me a picture of a family member and the student says "This is my nephew and his daddy - he looks really high huh?" In what kind of home does a child have to live that they find it perfectly normal to come to school and call their peers and teachers every  cuss word imaginable? 
There are days that all I can do is sit with a student and let her cry in my room, or let a boy sleep instead of complete the classwork because he didn't have a bed to sleep in the night before. Some days I just sit in my classroom after they've all gone and cry myself because I know I can just never do enough in the small amount of time I have with them. All I can do is take solace in the fact that I know I can provide a safe, caring and stimulating environment for them to grow and learn. 



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Why Are You a Teacher?

I just completed the paperwork for my ninth student going to expulsion hearing this school year. Upon turning it in another adult said "I bet you were sad to see that one go." To which I responded "Hey, I really like that kiddo." The other adult said "Misegadis, you're so weird. You like those kids that no one else does!" I of course just laughed and kept walking, but then it got my thoughts churning. Sure, everyone has that one student that just seems to be able to get to them, but to have an administrator say more than once "You were the only person who had anything positive to say about that student on his/her expulsion form." is disturbing. We have students from all walks of life, whose parents may or may not be doing any actual parenting and it's just so incredibly upsetting to me that there are adults in this world that don't take that into consideration when dealing with students. I have students that I know only eat full meals when they are at school, students who live with grandparents because their actual parents are strung out on all kinds of drugs, students who are homeless and so many other life situations I cannot even fathom. So how is it possible that there are adults that DON'T want to be one of the few safe, stable and supportive parts of every one of our children's lives? How is it possible to look a child in the face that you KNOW hasn't slept because of all the fighting at home, and not care for that child just a little bit more?

Several of my friends know that I have recently considered leaving the world of education, at least for now. This has nothing to do with my passion for teaching. In fact, the longer I teach the more passionate I become it. I love being a teacher! It's who I am and it's what defines me. (This is a shout out to my favorite teacher Mrs. Samuels at PSU.) No matter where I go or what I do in life, I am and will always be a teacher - I really have no choice in the matter. But, because I am so incredibly passionate about teaching I can't do it half-way. I've applied for (and been rejected) several positions outside of teaching lately while at the same time seem to be growing stronger relationships with my students than ever. I don't know if I'm being tested or reminded about why I became a teacher, but I do know that I am definitely thinking about my career as an educator more than I ever have before. I don't know what the future will hold for me. Will I continue to teach middle school technology? Will I look for a job as a peer consultant? Will I try to teach at the university level? I simply do not know. What I know for sure is that despite negativity, change, diminishing pay and constantly being shuffled about this district, I love teaching. I find it to be the most important paying job any one person can hold and, for now, will continue on my mission to educate and reach every child that I meet.

Facing Defeat

Recently I applied to be a Discovery Educator Guru and unfortunately I was not accepted. The list of those that were accepted is amazing and I'm certain they will represent the DEN well, but I am still disappointed that I was not accepted. And of course my wonderful husband gave me the pep talk that I shouldn't be too disappointed because I've gotten so many other things in my professional career - which is true. I got a teaching job pretty much right after graduating college, I was accepted into master teacher programs, I was offered my current position despite the fact that I didn't have the "preferred" master's degree, I've presented at several conferences, and I've been able to represent the DEN in a number of other ways. 
Still, this one hit me hard and I had to work to push myself through it. I had to tell myself that only five were accepted and those that were accepted were clearly more experienced and qualified than I am. That I need to keep doing what I am doing as it does make a difference to a number of people. In the end what really helped me to push past that disappointment is my children, especially my fourteen year old. I had told her how excited I was about the possibility of becoming a DEN guru and she knew that I had not been accepted. I knew that I had to accept this defeat gracefully not only for myself, but also as an example to my girls. I feel it is important that they see me being a strong person working to improve the system of education in any way that I can. In that process there will be defeats, and I feel that those need to be seen as learning opportunities and that if I can show that to my children I am actually benefiting from that defeat.


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